We've all felt the weight of our insecurities and the fear of failure, and today, we share our personal stories of struggling to pursue our passions like singing and acting. We also discuss the pressure that comes from our parents' hard work to give us a better future, and how it impacts our fear of failing them. Get ready to explore the concept of first generation trauma, and how it's becoming more widely recognized in the Latinx community, especially with the help of social media.
Starting this podcast brought its own set of fears and insecurities, but we've managed to overcome them through meaningful conversations and shared knowledge. But how do we cope with failure and self-imposed pressure? Join us as we discuss how stubbornness, tunnel vision, and society's expectations can lead to feelings of failure and insecurity, and how we can change our mentalities to learn from our mistakes.
What would you do if you had no fear of failure? We dive into the idea of living fearlessly, taking risks, and trying new things despite our insecurities. By the end of this episode, we hope to inspire you to embrace failure and move forward with your life, knowing that every setback is an opportunity for growth and learning. So tune in and share your thoughts on overcoming fear of failure and embracing growth.
♫ Song called Caballero by Ofshane
We've all felt the weight of our insecurities and the fear of failure, and today, we share our personal stories of struggling to pursue our passions like singing and acting. We also discuss the pressure that comes from our parents' hard work to give us a better future, and how it impacts our fear of failing them. Get ready to explore the concept of first generation trauma, and how it's becoming more widely recognized in the Latinx community, especially with the help of social media.
Starting this podcast brought its own set of fears and insecurities, but we've managed to overcome them through meaningful conversations and shared knowledge. But how do we cope with failure and self-imposed pressure? Join us as we discuss how stubbornness, tunnel vision, and society's expectations can lead to feelings of failure and insecurity, and how we can change our mentalities to learn from our mistakes.
What would you do if you had no fear of failure? We dive into the idea of living fearlessly, taking risks, and trying new things despite our insecurities. By the end of this episode, we hope to inspire you to embrace failure and move forward with your life, knowing that every setback is an opportunity for growth and learning. So tune in and share your thoughts on overcoming fear of failure and embracing growth.
♫ Song called Caballero by Ofshane
This is Latina's State of Mind, a podcast created by Latinas for all audiences, where we can share our experiences about love, life and everything in between.
Speaker 2:Hello, hello and welcome to Latina's State of Mind. We have a pretty interesting episode today. Our topic is fear of failure. I think all of us can relate to this topic and we'll probably have a lot to share about it.
Speaker 1:Is it all of us or just like two of us?
Speaker 2:I've been afraid to fail before. It hasn't happened.
Speaker 1:Fear for no reason. She says No.
Speaker 2:I'm kidding, of course it happens. But yeah, welcome ladies.
Speaker 1:Hello.
Speaker 3:I don't know what I was thinking. No, but I do want to share a little bit about my fear of failure. I feel like I have at times overworked myself to avoid this, but I don't notice my wins, and I feel like that's a problem as well. I don't notice when I meet my goals And I feel like that's something that I need to work on, But my fear of failure. When did it start? Do you guys know when it started for you guys?
Speaker 2:I'm trying to think Sorry, No, go ahead. I was, I don't know. I think for me it has to do with the fact that my parents came here, left everything behind, have been working so hard to give us a better future. So I feel like if I don't, if I'm not successful, whatever that means, then I failed them. I think my fear is failing them.
Speaker 1:That's really okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I guess it started as now, as an adult, after graduating college, i was doing, i mean, well, i went to school, i graduated, everything was good, but then I wasn't sure if I was going to like continue my education or if I was going to look for a job. So I think that's when it kind of started for me, just making sure that I didn't feel like I was failing them.
Speaker 3:Do you still worry about that to this day?
Speaker 2:Yes, all the time.
Speaker 3:I don't, and it's not because I don't love them or because I don't want them to be disappointed in me, but I feel like they made me be the adult that I am now and they, in a way, prepared me to be successful. But, also, i feel like if I were to fail, i know I would have their backs, but I do understand that feeling and that pressure of like oh, i need to complete this so I can make them proud, because I don't want them to think that I'm a failure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I don't think they would like disown me or anything if I failed in something, but maybe also being like the oldest of, like my siblings, my sisters, that added a little bit of pressure. So I always feel like I have to do better and be better and I'm scared to fail, because what I, i guess, what I think, is then they did it for nothing. Like they left everything behind for nothing, if I'm not doing something good.
Speaker 3:That's a different perspective, because I think I am the youngest child. You are the youngest.
Speaker 1:No, I'm the only girl.
Speaker 3:I'm the only girl and the youngest second to youngest. You kind of middleish?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But it's a different perspective being like because I got to see my brother's fail and do all sorts of stupid shit, so I got to learn from it, and I was the one that decided like, oh, i don't want to be like that, but shout out to them for doing that. I got to learn from it. No, i mean they, they pick themselves back up, yeah.
Speaker 3:So, I think that was the best part of that that I got to see like, okay, yeah, they failed, they made mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. It's however you get back up is what matters. But I do think that you have a different perspective of not only do you have the pressure of your parents, but you only have, but you have the pressure of teaching your siblings.
Speaker 2:And I want to say again, it's not something that my parents have told me of put on or put on me, it's myself, Like I'm doing this to myself pretty much.
Speaker 3:Have they ever mentioned anything? No, No, no. Like they were like oh, you have to go to school so you could be better. It was all you decided to do it. Yes, Good for you. You didn't need anyone telling you what to do.
Speaker 1:I know Sometimes it's hard being able to say. Such initiative and I love it.
Speaker 1:We haven't heard much from you, sonia. Oh, i'm just. I think I'm trying to think about what made me be so afraid of failing And I think I've always had a fear of failure. But I think I've always had anxiety. So I think it's always been within me to feel that way And also I'm naturally pretty shy and really insecure. So I always wanted to put myself out there. I love music and I love singing. I took lessons and I tried really hard. I just never felt good enough and I never felt like I looked good enough to be a singer And I was just always so afraid of what people might think and what I might look like, and so like I just never tried and I wanted to act and I also never tried, and like I was just always so insecure about myself. So I think my feeler, my fear of failure, comes from my insecurities.
Speaker 2:It's interesting to hear you say that you're kind of shy, because that's not an adjective that I would ever use for you. I think when you seek out friendships at least in my case, and I think Diana's as well you were very like out there and you were the one who were like we are friends because of you.
Speaker 3:Yeah like you made it really well.
Speaker 1:But I really am. I have like it takes a lot for me to like seek somebody out and to like put myself out there. Yeah, it takes a lot of convincing because I want people in my life But naturally, like I think I'm pretty shy, i just fake it pretty well. Yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 3:I mean, it's terrible you have to do that. But good for you for putting yourself out there And putting those feelings aside and saying, hey, i'm really shy but I'm going to fake it because I want this, i want friendships and I want a relationship and I want to do this. But I do hope that you do that with a singing career as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, whatever you want in life, i feel like you could do whatever you want, and not just.
Speaker 1:I think back in the day that I wish I would have had people like Lizzo and like people that look different. So I could have felt more comfortable Adele and you know grow up with those role models and felt like I could do something like that. I think now I would be too lazy to have a career in that.
Speaker 3:I don't want to tour.
Speaker 1:I don't want to do that stuff.
Speaker 3:It's a lot of work.
Speaker 1:It's a lot of work But back in the day I think I would have. I would have loved that kind of lifestyle Journalism. I had to convince myself into journalism. Like public speaking was difficult for me, which, like I never, like you wouldn't think about it, because I love journalism and I love speaking to people and talking in front of people, but it's hard, like I have to really convince myself of it.
Speaker 2:So I'm glad you approached us. I'm glad you can see how amazing, how great friends we are. Yeah, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you could see, i'm glad you can see how great we are And we're able to see that. Come up to us and speak to us.
Speaker 3:No, no, no. But going back to your idea that the now we have different celebrities that look different, hopefully the newer generation, the younger generations get to, they don't have to have that feeling, they don't have to have.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean, i think, a 10 Z bit. It's okay to have a little fear of failure because it's going to push you, but at least there's not going to be that added fear of like, oh I look different, so I'm not going to be accepted. Yeah, so hopefully that having these all new celebrities looking differently, that changes.
Speaker 1:Now also, i think, like growing up undocumented and growing up Hispanic with an accent like it's, it's different. you know you, you don't really belong in in in a space like this. Like you have to make way for yourself, you have to really want to belong and you have to put yourself out there. and having an accent is difficult. People look at you differently. So, like it's, i had fears. like there's so much, so many times where you meet someone new and you don't know how they feel about you, so then there's just like or like where they stand, so you just kind of have to sit there and be like what are you going to think about me? How are you feeling? So like I feel like that made me just like a scaredy cat. So it's just always afraid of everything.
Speaker 3:No, i get that. I feel like when I was younger and I had to change schools a couple of times, so that was very difficult, and at least when I went to a more like a Caucasian community, i shut down because I did it. Everyone else, you know, knew what they were doing, they all knew themselves And I, just I was scared. I was scared to open up and I was scared to speak up. And I may have known the answer and may have not, but I was scared to say either, or because how was I going to say it? What are you going to say? Was I going to say it right? What is it going to come out with an accent? Am I going to be judged? And especially as a kid, i feel like that's even more difficult. Did you ever struggle with that, nancy?
Speaker 1:Nancy says I didn't struggle with anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i mean after we moved. I think I've mentioned it before, but I was 11, 12 ish, i think I was still 11, but I didn't speak the language. So, yeah, it was definitely difficult. I was. I think I'm still pretty shy, or I don't know if I'm shy, i think I'm just quiet. I don't know if I would say I'm shy, but yeah, i was always afraid of saying the wrong thing, or I mean still to this day not pronouncing words correctly, like even before we started the podcast, and I'm like, oh, this word is hard for me to say Or you know this is weird.
Speaker 2:Fears that, yeah, I still have.
Speaker 3:Yeah, i'm going through this article right now And it's actually trying to cover that. It's sort of this fear, failure. It's a they don't want to call it a trauma, but that's the word that we have right now to kind of define it. What is first generation trauma? And this is just, and it's emerging in the Latino community, especially now with social media, how it's being shared more often in all of these experiences, like it's helping us connect with each other. But it's also kind of recognizing that this is a real thing And we don't have they don't, i mean, here in this article. They don't have a specific definition for the term, but they don't want to call it trauma. It's more like a stressor that may or may not always stick with you because it's being passed along And also, if you moved here from a young age, you have that stress of like maybe you had to and we're going to go back to this as we covered this like having to translate documents.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Um, and not being able to, and your parents expecting you to, and so that maybe you didn't Yeah, maybe a freak to you out at the moment, maybe you didn't think about it too much, but it's still like it's still inside of you in a way, um, and it's something at least according to this um LA Times article that it's still something that it needs to be explored. So I'm glad that we're covering it, because it's not well known, it's not well covered And maybe we're going to have difficulties with it with this conversation, but it's because we're starting to cover it.
Speaker 1:I also think that a lot of the times you see people that are successful and think, oh, like they're not scared, they just went for it, and you don't think about the type of fear that they had behind, like trying to go and do what they did.
Speaker 1:You know, it's like I think about us the three of us going to school and like getting a degree and like that was difficult for me And it was hard to get through school, and I had so many times where I was like, oh shit, i'm not going to make it. I'm, i don't know if I'm going to make it through, like I'm tired, like I have to have a full time job and full time school and I'm, but then at the same time, it was like I have to make it, you know. So like there's so many things out there that pushes us, and I remember in our Spanish episode, pedro said that anxiety like we needed to like move forward. So I think we do need that fear a little bit to like help us get a little extra push. But it's the not letting it get to us and debilitate us and stop us from what we want to achieve that matters, i guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and also what is success right? It's so different for everyone, i think, comparing ourselves to what we see on social media, especially it's. it can be unhealthy, because success can mean so many different things for so many different people, and it could be faked so easily. It can be faked so easily. exactly, And we've talked about being educated. I think that's great success, but it doesn't mean that someone who's not a college graduate is not successful.
Speaker 1:Right, like it just it, just it's different.
Speaker 2:It's yeah, it can mean different things for different people.
Speaker 1:Just like when I was talking about singing and acting, i feel a lot of people do singing on the side and like have their own songs out and like they have music in their lives in a way. That's not like out there and like putting records out and selling records but they're like perfectly content with that And like they do little videos and acting little place in their town and communities And that makes them really happy because it's more of a they get to do something they love, yeah, just because it's not mainstream doesn't mean that it is not successful Right.
Speaker 2:Who are we to say that's not successful?
Speaker 1:for them Be successful for them? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3:Shue, I think us we're being successful in releasing episodes. Heck, yeah We might not get thousands of listens, but hey what?
Speaker 1:And we're doing it Were you afraid of when we first started the podcast.
Speaker 2:Yes, i think we actually talked about it a little bit. You know, not having so many listeners, not everyone who's following us on social media is listening to what we are releasing Yeah, yeah, it was scary. It was scary because it kind of makes you feel like maybe you're less worthy, but it's kind of shifting that perspective again. Right, it's not about what other people are saying. We love it, we have a great time We're doing it.
Speaker 3:And if we're asking for us, then yeah, it's a success. It's even just sharing our you know what has happened in our life. Even that it's helping us And I hope it gets to help someone as well. Yeah, exactly, and based on some of the feedback that we've received, it has helped some people, so we hope that's pretty successful to me. You know, being able to change a person's life or a person's perspective.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're starting a conversation, which is something that we talked about a lot at the beginning.
Speaker 1:Nancy was saying this and I agree. Like success means something different for everybody. Like I don't think I can be successful in the same way that you can or Nancy can, like, it's just different.
Speaker 2:Like success means different goals And we're different people and we have different life experiences Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i think I was really scared about the podcast. I've been wanting to do a podcast since I learned what a podcast was Yeah, you've been telling us about it for a while.
Speaker 1:But I think once we recorded and once we were like, yes, this is what's going to happen, i was scared, like I was really scared of what people were going to say or how people were going to think about us, and I knew that conversations were going to be vulnerable. So I think that made me really nervous. And then I was just like you know what This makes me really happy, like I enjoy so much having a deep conversation and sharing knowledge and learning. So people don't like it and they don't appreciate it. Then that's on them, like they can move on.
Speaker 3:We are having so much Yeah exactly.
Speaker 1:And then I was hurt, Like I remember, like I know that I have friends that love to listen to podcasts, but yet they haven't listened to my podcast. And I was like well, i thought you were my friend.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was taking it so personal.
Speaker 1:And then it's like everybody listens to different podcasts, so like my podcast might not be the podcast that they're into, and it's OK, you know. But I was just like, but I'm your friend.
Speaker 3:Unless you're purposely not listening to the podcast because of who is in the podcast? Because of us. Who would do?
Speaker 2:that.
Speaker 1:Who would do that.
Speaker 3:Girl, girl, girl. Let me go to higher pitch, i think. I think there's people out there.
Speaker 2:Wait, are you saying because of you, maybe OK, because of me.
Speaker 3:I don't know. I feel some. I don't want to call out people, but Ooh, dianna Staley, shit early, i know Right.
Speaker 1:No, no, no.
Speaker 3:I'm just kidding, i don't know, but I do feel I felt that fear as well because I had to be vulnerable. I've had to share experiences that I never done. it Never done before, yeah, so there was a little bit of fear in that. I was also. I was more so doing this for fun, i guess.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But it's it's become a very serious thing that I now very much enjoy that at the beginning I didn't really care what people thought, and now I do.
Speaker 1:Now I'm like I'm not going to.
Speaker 3:I'm still going to continue being myself, of course.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:I have no way of changing that, honestly, but I do feel like, oh, what is this person going to think about me? What is my family going to think about me? What about my siblings, you know?
Speaker 1:do you think you're fierce, Like for all of us? do you think your fears have changed from the beginning of the podcast to now? about the podcast?
Speaker 2:I think my fear was that we were going to be let down, like I don't know how to say that we were not going to be, that we were going to feel like nobody was supporting us. It was for me, at least. It was never about like me sharing something, because I think the people who know me know these things about me And it's not something that I've been hiding, or I'm usually pretty open about whatever and I'm a private person. Yeah, yeah, so I see how that can be different for you.
Speaker 2:But yeah, i think for me it was mostly like, oh, we're so excited to do this, and then we're going to feel like we're being let down by our people because they're not supporting That was that was my fear It.
Speaker 1:Do you have a fear? that's different now. I don't have a fear anymore.
Speaker 3:No, she doesn't fear anything, No fearless. What about you?
Speaker 2:And they call me fearless. No, they don't, no, they don't.
Speaker 1:What am I afraid of? No, i mean in the podcast, like oh no, but like what am I afraid of?
Speaker 3:Regarding the podcast, I sometimes I'm afraid of sharing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing. She looked at me with a confused face. Anyways, I am. I do fear of that. I don't ever want to offend someone. I don't. I don't, I'm not going to do it on purpose. I will always do something with purpose, and if I want to offend, do, i will do it. I like it. I told you this is who I am, but I don't want to ever offend someone just because.
Speaker 1:I don't.
Speaker 3:I don't want to do that. I don't. I want to be as respectful as I can be. I am afraid of sharing the wrong thing. I think, at least in my perspective. I think that's it. I'm not scared of people not listening to the podcast. Well, first of all, because we've had I think we've had pretty good I just say this feedback and I think we've had pretty good numbers, more than I was expecting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you for listening.
Speaker 3:I know you said thank you for listening because it has shocked us And so that fear, that kind of, has left you know, but I am. it's always in the back of my mind like, hey, watch out what you're saying, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think for me it was also at the beginning, just this like, am I good enough for this? Like, is this like, am I interesting enough for this? And, like I said, i'm a very insecure person, so it comes to that usually. And also it was a what are people going to think And are we going to have enough listeners? And then, as the podcast went on, i felt like once I heard it, it was like I love what we're doing and I love the conversations we're having And we have so much fun recording it And in, like you guys said, you know we have people that are listening to us and we also have people that are not listening to us. So we all thought would, and I felt disappointed at the beginning And now I'm like it's OK that it. You know, we're not everybody's cup of tea And so we're a shot of tequila.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I feel like my fears around that have changed a lot And now I don't feel so insecure And also like we talk about success and I feel like it's been successful Like this.
Speaker 3:This for me, is success, yeah because we had very little expectations maybe, and we've seen how much we've grown, even with these few episodes. Yeah, and that's just. It's been amazing And that's our level of success and we'll appreciate it, but I think we can. We can keep going and we're gonna keep going Heck yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's, it's so interesting. I just see all these external things that we see and we internalize them and our fears come from that. I hear you, sonia, say that. Oh, i'm not. I wasn't sure if I would be like good enough for people to listen to or whatever, and like this entire time, from the beginning, all I was thinking was I love to hear your voice talk, like I would listen to you talk about anything you know. So it's, it's funny.
Speaker 1:It's I like it's not funny, but it's interesting that we have these fears yeah that are not really from anything else but ourselves you know, yeah, yeah, but I think that's like fear of failure comes from within, like it doesn't. It's not something people are telling us like most people are not gonna be yeah, like rooting against you more. Most people are gonna be like yeah you got this.
Speaker 3:If you share what you're feeling, a lot of people are gonna be supportive.
Speaker 2:Exactly yeah, like I was saying with my parents like me, feeling like I'm gonna fill them. It's never been about what them telling me it's always been about like me, yeah your narrative right, right, it's crazy right we're our own worst enemies.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, but that's really it.
Speaker 3:No really we put ourselves in that mindset and we close ourselves off and maybe two even opportunities, and you never know what could happen if you just try it.
Speaker 2:I guess the positive is that if we think about it and it's all our own narrative, then we can rewrite it right?
Speaker 3:oh, i like that if it's us doing that, then we can we can change it, acknowledge it, but then learn from it and change it yeah, but like no it's happening, right? yeah, love it so smart you are very smart.
Speaker 1:I know do you feel her head growing and growing. As we're sitting here pretty, pretty soon, we're not gonna fit in the room it's already big and it's been like this she grew up like this didn't she so maybe your parents allowed you to be like this, so shout out to them for allowing you to be your perfect self.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, perfect is there any um? how do you get over your fears? oh, how do you get over your fears? do you have any like when you're feeling scared? what like? is there something you guys do that you're just like?
Speaker 2:I got this yeah, it's a lot of self-talk. Like I've told myself, i've done so many other things. Why can't I do this? like I've already done harder things or, um, if I'm going through something that's challenging and scary and it's kind of weird, but I think like I've gone through worse like. I've literally lost people that I loved and I survived, i can survive this. Yeah, you know kind of putting things into perspective and just telling myself that I can. I can do it if I set my mind to it.
Speaker 3:It usually works usually just. I just talk to myself and tell me self that I'm great, and then I lose the fear no, but you're no. Yes, just talk to yourself, coach yourself through it, because a lot of individuals have been through a lot worse. I don't want people to compare themselves, though, to other. Oh like, uh, this person has been through worse, so I shouldn't be dealing with this.
Speaker 1:I don't like that.
Speaker 3:No, don't don't think about the other person. Mind your own business.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we covered that think about yourself, worry about yourself worry about yourself, but no, but, um, i don't know it's. I feel like failure is gonna happen and it's gonna happen in one way or another. It could be a big event, it could be a small event, but just learn from it and try to do it. Do the same thing again and just talk yourself through it, coach yourself through it, like okay, i went, i did this, didn't work out, but what if it works out the next time?
Speaker 1:I'm gonna get really sunny on you guys and like, oh, we're used to it super cheesy. But, as a matter of fact, today I was sitting there thinking about this country song, because there's something you should know about me is that I love country music, um, and Ricky Martin, um, jen, rick and Rick and all the fresa things in the world, um. But there's this country song by an artist called Garth Brooks and it's called an answered prayers and he says one of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, and I remember that's like cringe cringe face.
Speaker 1:But I have a point.
Speaker 1:Um, i was sitting today just um thinking about, like my past relationships and how like they failed, or like how I felt.
Speaker 1:Like I felt and how I sometimes prayed for certain things in my life to to come to me the way they, that I wanted them to come, and when they didn't show up, it was because something better was gonna come through.
Speaker 1:And so I feel like I I know like some people might not believe in God I do or greater power, whatever it is, but I I always think that sometimes things don't work out because that's not what's meant to work out, because something else is coming along. So, like I think sometimes when I've been really scared of something not working out, i have taught, talk myself into that and just telling myself this is not working out because it's not for you, it's not meant to be yours, it's not what you need right now and something better is coming along. And so, like a lot of the times, like it's really difficult because I'm really stubborn and if I want something, i want that to work out, and when it doesn't, i think it really devastates me because I'm like I'm failing, like this should be mine, like this is what I need to have, because this is what I want, and then I've had to learn to let go of those things because that's not for me.
Speaker 3:So that's how I go through my fear how did you, how did you learn to cope with that, though, like whenever you did, you coach yourself through it as well like, yeah, i mean, but I feel like it was more of a understanding that those things were not for you.
Speaker 1:Like that song, i know it's so cheesy, but music speaks to me in different ways.
Speaker 1:Like, um, that lyric alone for me was like, oh, i guess that makes sense. Like sometimes you want something really badly that doesn't belong to you and like, no matter what you do, if it's not for you, it's not for you. Yeah, i'm trying to force it exactly. And like you can't force things, like, and when you're stubborn, like if you want something you're gonna try and try and try until you get hurt, and so, like I just learned to let go and, like you said, coach myself through it but convince myself that sometimes it's not. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think we can see it not as a failure, but as something that helped us learn something I know and I know it's easier said than then like one when you're going through it.
Speaker 3:It's like that's all you can see.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you failed it right but, um, if it's like a failed relationship, for example, i know that a lot of times we see that as a failure if our relationships didn't work out, but I'm sure it changed us in a way that you know. Now we know what to look for. Or better yeah, so I just kind of changing our, our mentalities a little bit. But, like I said, i know it's not, it's not easy when you're going through it. Give yourself grace, exactly, give yourself time, yeah but yeah, i get that I feel like.
Speaker 3:Sometimes I get too stuck in the oh, i didn't accomplish this and the time that it needed to be accomplished or and even in the time that I thought it needed to be accomplished in um, but it's I still struggle with it. I am getting much better at it, but I do get that um, that tunnel vision sort of like, and that's all I can focus on and, oh my goodness, it's a deep hole that you have to dig yourself out of it's that stubbornness yeah, like and well, at least for me it wasn't stubbornness, but like, i get stuck in that first of all, i have to be, i have to do whatever I need to do good the first time, first.
Speaker 3:That's not, that's not right. If you're doing something like something for the first time, you're probably gonna fail the right. You know. First time, get it together. The second time, third, whatever, you should even be counting them, but still, um, yeah, i struggle with that and I've been working on it, because I it's a deep hole that I go into and I'm like, oh my gosh, i failed and I'm never gonna be able to do this, and how am I gonna get through life without this? and then I don't know what change is.
Speaker 3:But then you're starting to think like maybe I just went to sleep and I thought, you know, and I thought about it differently the next day and that's what helped me change like okay, let's not focus on the problem, let's not focus on the failure, let's focus on how you can build yourself better from it yeah, where do you think it comes from for you?
Speaker 3:oh man, where does it come from? I'm not sure. I think, personally, i put myself in, i give myself too much pressure, yeah, you know, like, oh, i have to, and no one's putting that pressure on me, but by itself, and and see, that's one of the things that's helping me cope with it Like who is telling you that you have to do this in a specific timeframe?
Speaker 1:No one No one.
Speaker 3:Um, you have. I have a very supportive uh uh team at work. I have very supportive friends. I have a support system and family as well. Um, no one's telling you that you have to do this at a certain times. No one's judging you for it. Um, so that's, that's what helped me, like work through it, like it's just you and your mind being stuck in it.
Speaker 1:I'm stuck.
Speaker 3:That's not a word.
Speaker 2:But I'm stuck, i like it. I like it a lot.
Speaker 1:I think that's the key right Like we just have to, like you said, give ourselves some grace, but also like what's up with these deadlines We give ourselves, like we I was there with like the whole marriage thing. It was like, oh my gosh. I remember being 23 and being like I need to be married by 25 and I need to be pregnant by 26 and by 27 and 28. I should be done having kids. I'm 39 and I just got married last year Zero kids And you know I had to rethink that and I felt so like I failed at life for a really long time because I didn't meet those expectations and those goals that I had set for myself.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so for the longest time I was like I'm not good enough, like I must not be pretty enough, i must not be lovable enough, like if I, if I haven't landed a husband at this point, like I'm never going to get somebody, like you know. So it's just those really silly things you put in your mind that like nobody else thinks, no, like I mean I guess society like just make a difference on how you think and how you see success and what you think failure is like, but nobody that matters.
Speaker 2:They're not paying your bills.
Speaker 1:Yeah, really says no, but I feel like at least in your perspective.
Speaker 3:I feel like a lot of people. You could have put yourself in a hurtful situation by settling down.
Speaker 1:Oh, i did. I tried Like I tried to settle, because I was like I'm never going to get anything better, so I should just try to stick around here so that I can just be with somebody, because that's what I should be doing.
Speaker 3:Thank God I didn't know Right, i also had that age limit. Oh, okay, by this age I should have kids already.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And then I went when I was supposed to be a 25, i was supposed to be married and starting to have kids by then. And then I turned 25 and I was like what?
Speaker 1:First of all, like me myself.
Speaker 3:I understood that like, ok, wait, I'm barely starting to get the hang of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And you know like why I laughed at my weird life goals at that moment? Cause I was like, wait, what? Yeah, i'm barely figuring it out, and I was supposed to have it figured out by now, yeah, yeah, no, that doesn't work out.
Speaker 2:Didn't work out my case. Yeah, it's been the same for me, like thinking I'm 30, almost 33. And I always thought, you know, if I'm 30, i should already have a house. I should already have all these things like my career should be this, look like this, or whatever, but it hasn't happened and it has been hard. It does affect me sometimes And I just have to remind myself of everything beautiful that I have. You know, and and also I know we think that maybe we don't have enough time. I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:Whenever you're going to say that I just have to. I was imagining I just have to look at myself in the mirror and remember how perfect my life is.
Speaker 1:I'm perfect How beautiful.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:That's all I was thinking, but it's like. I'm sorry, I couldn't figure it out My bad, you're okay.
Speaker 2:I lost my train of thought. What was I saying?
Speaker 1:But I think, going back to what you were saying a little bit, all these things that you think you didn't succeed at, you're buying your own house at this age or whatever you're set your goals to like, when you see them like, i think we tend to see them as failures, right?
Speaker 1:Like that's when we're like, well, i suck, i didn't make it through. So I feel like we need to learn to rethink those things and start looking at them as like why don't I make it at that age? But the economy is shit And I cannot afford a house right now, no matter how much money I make. And you know, i could have been in a shitty relationship and been married and had kids in a really crappy relationship and I chose not to. And so like I feel like we really should rethink the way we see success and we see failure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i remember what I was thinking. One second.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, it's okay.
Speaker 2:No, i was going to say I think a lot of times it's because we feel like maybe we're not going to have time. Yeah, yeah, but maybe maybe not. Like, maybe we will, maybe not, maybe we will buy a house and then maybe, like, the next day it's going to be our last day on earth, exactly It's. It's scary and it's kind of morbid to think about, but that's just a reality. Like, yeah, we might not have time, but maybe we will, it's. It's. That's how it is with everything.
Speaker 3:And important to live the day that you're living you know, at the time that you're there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Don't think about the future. I mean think about the future, but like don't let us stress you out too much, yeah.
Speaker 2:I just wish we could. I don't know, sonia. I wish you could see yourself through the eyes of like your friends. I hate when you're going to make me.
Speaker 1:No, i'm serious, Make her cry.
Speaker 2:Like whenever you talk about like being insecure or whatever it just I just can't like imagine someone more worthy. I just wish you could see yourself through, like my eyes or the people that love you.
Speaker 1:I love you. I'm not crying.
Speaker 3:She cried No, but that's true And that should be applied to everyone.
Speaker 2:If you really saw how other people see you the people that love you, that really love you, Yes exactly. Haters that are telling you, like I was saying before, you're pretty, but you know like, yeah, no, none of that.
Speaker 3:The people that truly love you, right? If you really got to see you through their perspective, i think it would be very helpful And hopefully we can. I'm glad that you shared that, because hopefully more people get to do that and share like. Hey, even if you are struggling or not, or showing it or not, tell them how you feel about them to help them out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Even if they don't need it. I'm trying to get myself together. Get yourself together, girl. No, but thank you, i really appreciate that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i love you. I love you. You're the best, you're amazing. Let's.
Speaker 1:Let's, let's, let's get to my favorite segment, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think this is like a lot of people's favorite segment. It's awesome.
Speaker 3:Do they mind that I curse a lot? Do you think so?
Speaker 1:I mean, at this point we can take it back now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm not taking it back, but I'm just wondering what they're thinking Yeah Well, it's just time for Diana's daily shit.
Speaker 1:Here we go.
Speaker 3:Ay-oh, i can't You know what, i'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:We're going to start it that way every time.
Speaker 2:I'll probably forget about it soon. Okay, we will never forget. No.
Speaker 3:You guys can always remind me And that's okay.
Speaker 1:Our next, our next Spanish episode, you'll bring it back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I probably will.
Speaker 3:I thought you were going to say that's going to be the title I want to say that All the episode, yeah, i don't think I have enough for that.
Speaker 2:Maybe they do it now. I think you do Anyway.
Speaker 3:I have a question for you guys. I don't know, i don't have any questions. Oh, i'm shook. Right, i don't have anything to complain about just yet. What would you do if there were no consequences or if you had no fear of failure, like what's something that you would do?
Speaker 1:This is not daily shit, this is deep. Well, here, this is deep.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry Diana's deep shit. I don't know. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1:But I want to go with it, all right.
Speaker 3:This is what I have for you and you're going to take it, ok, ok.
Speaker 1:If I had not had any fear.
Speaker 2:Right now. right now, today or tomorrow, it's too late. right now, present.
Speaker 3:Present Like presently Present Ish.
Speaker 1:Ish Present, ish Right now. What would you do? No, fear. I'm trying.
Speaker 3:I can go first.
Speaker 2:Ok, i would live in a different country.
Speaker 3:I would just get my stuff and leave.
Speaker 2:Somewhere in Europe, i think, and I would just leave Fancy bitch.
Speaker 1:What about you, Diana?
Speaker 3:Actually I asked the question, so you have to go first. Oh, ok.
Speaker 1:I would try out for the voice. Oh my gosh, please do it, please do it. I'm really not that good. Ok, so what? But if there was no failing, that's what I would do. Ok, yeah, i don't know what I would do.
Speaker 3:No, now you have to say something. What?
Speaker 1:would I do?
Speaker 3:First of all, I really like your idea of going to moving to a different country. I hadn't thought about that, but I feel like I would do that as well If I had no fear of failure right now. Huh, dang it. I should have thought about this first before asking. Well, let's see, i feel like I would quit my job. Ooh Same, i would quit my job and I would become a hippie and just do crafty stuff, like stuff that I really enjoy, or just go walk around the woods and be like nature bitch.
Speaker 1:Would you ever be the kind of person that lives in a van? No, no, no.
Speaker 3:No, no, no. I need a. I need a working toilet. Yeah, i couldn't do it, and yeah, no, i need a working toilet, i need a vanity, i need.
Speaker 2:But they have all that stuff?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, we're going to put that in the woods. How are you going to be a woodsy bitch?
Speaker 3:I would have a woodsy bitch, i would have a cabin.
Speaker 1:Oh, a glamping woodsy bitch. Exactly Yes, i mean running water.
Speaker 3:Got it Like. That's one of my. you know, that's what I need in life running water And I'm very grateful to have that. You'd be doing witchy things. Yes, exactly, I'd be hauling up the moon. Can I come over? Yes, we're going to both be hauling up the moon.
Speaker 1:All of us, i'm not going to be here. No, yes, in another country. You're going to visit us.
Speaker 3:You're going to visit not during a eclipse, because that could be very dangerous, But full moons.
Speaker 1:Yes, and if I'm going to make it through the voice, i would have the enough money to fly you back and forth.
Speaker 3:Ooh This is all working out, so well. Yes, but that's what I would do. I would just become my nature witchy bitch self with lots of plans, with lots of plans, and I would love to not partake in capitalism. I would try to try to do that, but now I work for an investment bank And I help people. What is the name of the company?
Speaker 2:No, You're doing it. I freaked out. I love you, son. I don't want to show that Immediately fired.
Speaker 3:No, but I did make a comment to my manager about the podcast And he did look kind of worried, but I'm like, don't, no, it's not that deep, not yet. Yeah, yeah, but that's what I would do.
Speaker 1:I like that. Your daily shit today was very positive and inspirational.
Speaker 3:Yeah me too, Let's do this, let's not do it again, are you OK? I'm feeling a little hot right now, but I'll be OK.
Speaker 2:You want a water.
Speaker 3:I got some right here, ok good, by the way, i want to name some more episode.
Speaker 1:So badly She's been asking for it just as badly as her own episode.
Speaker 2:We'll have your solo episode before you have your ASMR episode.
Speaker 3:Now, i don't want a solo episode, i want just the ASMR episode.
Speaker 1:You did it Oh man We talked.
Speaker 3:I talk daily through. I don't know what I'm trying to say. You guys threw me off. Ok. Anyways, thank you for sharing what you would do if there was no failure. I hope you do still go to the voice. Thank you, why are you shaking?
Speaker 1:No, come on Why not Just for fun, just for fun, sis You want to do it just for fun. No. I'll drive you all the way to Hollywood, ok.
Speaker 3:You don't have to go to Hollywood, don't they go to, like specific areas or whatever?
Speaker 2:If you want to go to Hollywood, I'll take you OK.
Speaker 3:Thank you, can I come Road trip, road trip, i'll buy the snacks.
Speaker 2:Someone has to worry about the music though. Ok, Sanya, I got it And you're driving, i'm driving.
Speaker 3:Beautiful, let's go. Amor, no Subance la troca All right.
Speaker 1:Any closing thoughts before we go.
Speaker 2:Thank you for sharing and talking about your fears.
Speaker 1:That's hard. That's a hard thing to talk about. It's really difficult.
Speaker 2:I felt a little anxious about it, yeah, but yeah, I love you guys And I hope we can all learn ways to you know. Keep working through our fears and continue being successful and achieving more things, because we can do it all. Yep, Yeah.
Speaker 3:I love it, At least as Hispanic females or coming from immigrant parents or being an immigrant. I think it's OK to let go of that pressure.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:That we have to be successful because of them. First of all, make sure you're successful because you want to be successful. Make sure that you set your boundaries and your goals to the level of success that you want. Yeah, just let go of that pressure and do better for yourself First of all, and then you can worry about other people.
Speaker 1:I think one of the things I learned was that there's no such thing as failure. Like, really, if you really think about it, like it looks you not making it through a deadline doesn't mean you failed. Are you not achieving a word doesn't mean you failed. That means you just didn't get that for this time and something better will come along. So I think I really like that. Yeah, love it. Thank you for listening. All right, support a man. See you next time, love you.
Speaker 2:Bye. Thank you for listening to Latina State of Mind produced by us. your awesome hosts, diana Senya and Nancy, special shout out to Jerome our editor. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at LSOM underscore podcast and on Facebook at Latina State of Mind. Hasta la próxima.