Grief is a journey we all embark on at some point in our lives, and it's a journey we often experience alone. This episode is all about that journey. We've all experienced loss in some form or another—be it a loved one, a friendship, or a relationship—and we're sharing our personal experiences, from the numbness that grief can induce to how it can sneak up on us years later, triggered by something as simple as a memory, a fragrance, or a song. It's a raw, honest, and at times, heart-wrenching discussion about the never-ending process of grieving.
As we navigate through the complex labyrinth of grief, we shed light on the importance of patience and empathy, towards ourselves and towards others. There's a delicate balance between managing your own sorrow and being there for your loved ones, even when you can't fully grasp their emotions. And then there's the healing power of memories. Remembering our departed loved ones, keeps their presence alive, offering us a sense of connection and tranquility during tough times. We also explore how societal and cultural traditions can help us honor and remember them, bringing comfort.
The conversation then shifts towards a topic often neglected—men and grief. Society has imposed certain expectations on men when it comes to expressing emotions, often discouraging them from sharing their grief openly. We discuss the harmful consequences of this and underline the need for a safe space where men can express their feelings without judgment. The episode wraps up with a reminder that seeking help when coping with grief is a sign of strength, not weakness. We talk about the resources available, such as suicide and crisis lifeline, and encourage our listeners to reach out if they need to. Join us on this important conversation on Instagram and Facebook, where we continue to explore these topics beyond the podcast.
Music by DVNNIK
Grief is a journey we all embark on at some point in our lives, and it's a journey we often experience alone. This episode is all about that journey. We've all experienced loss in some form or another—be it a loved one, a friendship, or a relationship—and we're sharing our personal experiences, from the numbness that grief can induce to how it can sneak up on us years later, triggered by something as simple as a memory, a fragrance, or a song. It's a raw, honest, and at times, heart-wrenching discussion about the never-ending process of grieving.
As we navigate through the complex labyrinth of grief, we shed light on the importance of patience and empathy, towards ourselves and towards others. There's a delicate balance between managing your own sorrow and being there for your loved ones, even when you can't fully grasp their emotions. And then there's the healing power of memories. Remembering our departed loved ones, keeps their presence alive, offering us a sense of connection and tranquility during tough times. We also explore how societal and cultural traditions can help us honor and remember them, bringing comfort.
The conversation then shifts towards a topic often neglected—men and grief. Society has imposed certain expectations on men when it comes to expressing emotions, often discouraging them from sharing their grief openly. We discuss the harmful consequences of this and underline the need for a safe space where men can express their feelings without judgment. The episode wraps up with a reminder that seeking help when coping with grief is a sign of strength, not weakness. We talk about the resources available, such as suicide and crisis lifeline, and encourage our listeners to reach out if they need to. Join us on this important conversation on Instagram and Facebook, where we continue to explore these topics beyond the podcast.
Music by DVNNIK
This is Latina's State of Mind, a podcast created by Latinas for all audiences, where we can share our experiences about love, life and everything in between.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of Latina's State of Mind. Hello, hello Hi ladies, how are we doing?
Speaker 1:Lovely Good After those quesadillas.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Senia's mom makes the best of the quesadillas.
Speaker 2:She was so cute. Yeah, she was so cute. Help me, help me.
Speaker 1:She gelled for us to call for with the quesadillas. Yeah, that was from the bottom of the bag, so cute, oh my goodness, yeah, so cute.
Speaker 2:Anyway, today we're talking about an episode that's going to be perhaps a little heavy, a little difficult, but we wanted to share with you this topic because it's very close to us and our hearts. Yeah, we're going to be talking about grief, correct, yeah, and I think we'll have different perspectives and different things that we're or we have gone through Grieved about Exactly so yeah. Where should we start? Should we start by defining?
Speaker 3:Let's start with defining it. Grief is deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death, but it can be the loss of something friendship, relationship a lot of things. Something someone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I like that definition because we have a lot of. I think we all at one point have those grieving moments for so many things.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, at least I don't know how to deal with it. I haven't dealt with it the best way, but hopefully I can get to a good point.
Speaker 1:A good, healthy way.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, it's so hard, grief sucks, you guys.
Speaker 3:Fucking painful, awful.
Speaker 1:At least for my experience, the grieving of like losing my father has been, I think, the heaviest.
Speaker 2:Like.
Speaker 1:I've grieved relationships and friendships and I remember being heartbroken and just like remember thinking like that hurt so bad. But I remember when my dad passed away I thought about being heartbroken and I thought I would take a million heartbreaks over this any day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's interesting because it gives you a different perspective. I remember when my grandma passed and it was the hardest thing that I've had to deal with, in a grieving sense, and after that, anytime I've had like a breakup or any situation like that, I'm like this is not even close.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like this, pain is not even close to what that was.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think so, my dad. He passed away in Mexico. He was in a car accident. He fell asleep on the wheel and hit another car and he died on his way to the hospital. We couldn't find him because the place where he passed away was very remote and the paramedics took his stuff like they stole most of his stuff. The only thing was, even though he was hurt, he was so responsible he called his coworker to tell him that he had gone in a car accident and that he wasn't going to make it to work. So that was the only reason why we found out that he was in a car accident. And then he passed away in the ambulance on his way to the hospital.
Speaker 1:And I remember thinking, okay, well, I'll find him. I called every hospital that I could ever think of. I remember calling every police station. I googled all these places from here to Mexico. I was looking in the wrong place. He was in the morgue and I remember when my uncle called and said, hey, he's gone and I had to call my brothers and I had to give them the news.
Speaker 3:You got to do that yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry and I heard just. It was such a surreal moment but since there was no body, I was still hopeful that he was not dead and that they had made a mistake and I was just the entire time I was like, no, it's not him, it's not him, it's not him. And I think once I got the news and my brothers were there and they were able to recognize him and really confirm that it was him, I feel like that's when my whole world came crumbling down, because my dad and I we were super close. I was a daddy's girl. Still I'm a daddy's girl. I called him every day, twice a day, sometimes three times a day. I was always reminding him of his pills. Whenever he was in town, I was attached to his hip. So it was heartbreaking, it was so difficult. I remember just being numb for a really long time and walking around numb Like a zombie, like a zombie.
Speaker 1:And work only gives you five days. A breath. A breath. And I remember going back and thinking I don't what is life, I don't need to be here, like I'm not ready to be here After five days. Yeah, no. Like I, just because it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:Right, nothing matters, like nothing mattered.
Speaker 1:And I just remember there were times where I was sitting at my desk just tears rolling down my my eyes and I just couldn't help it and I didn't notice it and it was just a smell, it was a and it's. Somebody said it never goes away, and I remember being like I can't wait till it's a year from now. I can't wait till I'm not in this current place where I'm not hurting like this. It's been six years and I cry about my dad all the time and I miss my dad all the time. And sometimes it takes a song, sometimes it takes a smell of word, it takes a lot Like. Sometimes it's just watching my mom, my brothers, yeah, so sometimes you can remember them with this big old smile and say, oh my gosh, he used to do this. And sometimes you just fall apart because you miss them. So grief sucked at the beginning and grief sucks now, yeah.
Speaker 3:That was what asked never ending. No, I don't. I mean, I haven't been in a situation like that and I'm sorry that you've been through that but, I don't think it's ever ending.
Speaker 1:It gets easier.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's, it's never it never goes away. My mom lost her mom when I think it was 1995 and there are songs that still come on and she'll still cry. Or she'll have a dream about her and she'll still cry. It's, yeah, it's never.
Speaker 3:yeah, that's true. My grandma lost a kid to like some sort of cancer and still to this day she's almost 80 or so still to this day she thinks about her daughter, and the same way she hears a song a more eternal loses it, I can't listen to the song. I think that's everyone. Right Kind of. It's just so sad and it's so at least for me. It was very surprising, like it's been decades.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's still kind of freshly. It still kind of hurts a lot, like if it was almost a fresh pain sort of thing, and that's surprising how our brain kind of messes you up that way, yeah.
Speaker 1:And grief. So in my process I learned and we can talk about dealing with grief, but I learned that the less you deal with grief, the worse is for your physical body. So I had an allergic reaction, like eight years ago, to a medication where my hand swelled up pretty badly and the doctor was like, oh, let's just do a panel of like all these allergies to make sure that you're not allergic to like gluten and all these things. I wasn't allergic to anything but that medication and a couple other things. After my dad passed away, I was in such a bad state of anxiety and grief and all these things that I was feeling terrible and I just had this weird bloatingness in my stomach and I just like wasn't feeling good. I developed celiac disease. Damn Out of grief. That's crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you know so like your body responds to grief in so many different ways that it can like literally make you physically sick.
Speaker 3:Do you think it was because you weren't dealing it out loud? Yeah, and you were just internalizing, internalizing and your body said well, here you go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, here's the results of that I think it was a little bit of that I think it was just like so devastating and so overwhelming that I didn't know how else to deal with it. And at this point, like people always say, oh, you know just, you just have to let them rest. You just have to let people rest and don't cry so much. Like be strong, exactly, you just got to be strong. So then you internalize all those things and you're just like, okay, I got to be strong, but being strong never helped.
Speaker 3:No, you shouldn't have to put a front like that. You know, feel whatever you need to feel.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 3:But it's difficult because a lot of other people need your support. Yeah, it's easy to say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sorry, friend, thank you, I love you, yeah, with my grandma I think I was more angry than anything. She had breast cancer and then it just spread all over her body and it was really bad at the end. She suffered a lot before she passed and I always thought like it's so unfair, yeah, like for someone who was such a good person to go like that Uh-huh. And then it kind of like made me question then what's the point of being good if you can end like that? Yeah, so it puts life into perspective.
Speaker 1:Yeah, very, much so I feel like that's part of you know. The grieving process is like no matter how you lose someone or how you. It puts so many questions in your mind and like I remember thinking, why did I have to be my dad?
Speaker 2:like he was a good person.
Speaker 1:You know like there's some terrible people that are still alive. Why are they still here?
Speaker 2:It just feels so unfair.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it just does feel unfair. It's always the good people that go first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it feels terrible now to say or think those things because you're like that person is somebody's dad and somebody's gonna miss them or you know. But it just when you're in that moment of pain, like I think you become kind of self-fair. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I don't. I don't see a problem with that. I mean I'm a selfish person, but I don't know. I think it's okay to ask those questions. Yeah, because it's I feel like a maybe part of your anger. Yes, that you're like why, why this, why that? Why do I have to go through this? Why did they have to go through this? Why did I have to lose them? I mean, it's it's tough to do it, but I think it's okay because it's let go of that anger and say it out loud.
Speaker 3:Take care of it in that way, I guess, and there's so many.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you can look this up, but I know there's a lot of stages of grief. I remember going to therapy and learning about how like it just like people feel grief in so many different ways there's like very many different stages that you go through when you're grieving someone or something.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's five stages of grief denial, the quote like this can't be happening to me, sort of thing. Anger why is this happening to me? Who is to blame? Bargain in bargain I can't say that word. Bargaining, yeah, thank you. Make this not happen. And in return, I'll do X, y and Z. Then comes depression and too sad to do anything. And finally, acceptance I'm at peace with what happened. Yeah, I feel like I don't know if I'd be able to get to that point.
Speaker 1:I went through all of them and my bargain one was I still watch a show called Supernatural and I always watch them like bring people to life. So I was like is there? Like I literally Google if I could bring someone back to life. And it was like, why am I Googling this? Like, how is this even like? But I was so delusional at that point and in so much pain that I like I couldn't think straight. Like I just wanted my dad back. It didn't matter how, like, I just needed him back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you would have done anything except anything, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 3:It is. It's it's a wild thing to think about and I I'm going to sound terrible, I always do. I lost my grandma on my mom's side. I didn't have a great relationship with her and towards through a lot of it, I disliked her because the way that she treated my mom. I will never forget that, but still I had to learn how to be there for my mom and even though that I didn't personally feel bad for the death of my grandma, I did feel terrible that my mom was going through this.
Speaker 3:And I had to learn to somehow kind of I'm a very impatient person. I had to learn to be patient.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because she, I'm a terrible person, you're not, I'm not a terrible person, but I have a different way of thinking things through and I move on too quickly and stuff like that, and so for me it's very easy to say, oh, just don't think about this anymore. And to I I had to bite my tongue so many times so I wouldn't say that to my mom, because I'm like you know what I don't want to make this worse for her.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I want to make sure that she looks at me and she says I'm, you know this is my mom. Exactly.
Speaker 2:This is my support.
Speaker 3:I miss my mom and I just it's difficult but dang it. I had to learn how to do that and it's different for everyone. And still to the stay. I mean it hasn't been that long, but still to the stage. She mentions it and I'm like in my head I'm like come on, let's just like move on. And I'm like, but in reality I'm like I'm, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm sorry that this, this is how you feel. I'm sorry, you know, for the memory and that all this stuff.
Speaker 1:So I'm proud of you for being there, because it no like it's so easy for people to. I was told so many times, so many times. Oh, you know, the more you cry about him you don't let him rest in peace and like, the more you don't is that a cultural thing?
Speaker 1:I think so and like you just got to move on and I remember being like it's my dad. I don't got to move on. Like I can miss my dad for the rest of my life and cry about him for the rest of my life, and that's just how that's going to work. And you did that for her. You are letting her cry about her mom, regardless of what relationship was between you and her. You're letting her grieve. You're letting her feel you don't have to understand, like yeah, and I honestly don't, but you choose to support and that's all that matters.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it made me think of something else too when you were saying that and I, because when you lose someone close to you like that, it hurts, obviously because you lost them. But then I imagine you can relate, Sanya, but it hurts you to see your mom missing her person, your brothers missing their dad. It's like heartbreaking in a whole different level. So it's the grandkids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so sad.
Speaker 1:It really is. I feel like it's it's life altering in so many ways.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, yesterday I think it was yesterday that I cried about my dad Because my dad and my nephew Chase were really close and my nephew is trying to get an Xbox and he's been trying to hustle everybody for some money. And I started crying because I know for a fact that my dad would have picked him up, taken him to Walmart and bought him the stupid Xbox on the spot.
Speaker 1:Yeah like no words, like Chase would have not had to explain anything. And I cried because he doesn't get that. You know, he doesn't get to experience my dad away. And I cried because when I have a kid, my kid doesn't get to experience my dad that way. And I cried because I wish I could have gone to Walmart with him to buy the stupid Xbox for my nephew. And so I've been helping Chase hustle some people.
Speaker 1:So, we called his sister and she said she'd give him 25 bucks. And we called his uncle and his uncle was going to give him 50. So we're up to 180. No 160. I think 160.
Speaker 3:I got a dollar 161.
Speaker 1:So I'm helping my dad.
Speaker 3:Yes, I mean, yes, that is so unfortunate, it's ridiculously sad and once again, I'm so sorry that you have to go through that, because if I'm putting myself in my, in your shoes and just thinking about that, me getting married, the starting of family and not being able to share it with my dad would break me, so shout out to you for actually holding it together.
Speaker 3:Thank you, and I mean you're, I don't know. Just the memory being kept alive is going to be at one point good enough. Not right now, but I mean it has to be even right now.
Speaker 1:And you know, like, and you understand this, I feel like with your grandma, you, there's probably things that you wanted to do with her, that you didn't get to do and I think if you think about them enough like for me it's the whole don't think about them, you don't let them rest.
Speaker 2:It's so stupid and it's so annoying because I feel like the more you think about them.
Speaker 1:The more life you give them, the more, yes, you keep their memories alive. I tell Jerome about my dad. All the time. I play my dad's music around Jerome, I always tell him oh my, this is my dad's favorite song, or this, my dad's this, and my dad would have loved this and my dad used to make a sandwich like this, and so that, even though he didn't know he didn't get to meet my dad, that in a way, he gets to meet him through me you know yeah that's beautiful.
Speaker 3:And I mean I'm pretty sure your dad has about him.
Speaker 1:I think he picked him for me.
Speaker 3:I think so too yeah sent him my way.
Speaker 2:Do we? Do we feel like they stay with us afterwards. Is that kind of what we're in?
Speaker 3:memory, uh-huh. But I mean spiritually? I don't think so, but I completely believe in keeping the memory alive of this individual.
Speaker 1:I don't think energy ever dies. That's a thing right. Energy never dies. And humans for energy and I think energy is always with us and I think my dad's energy stays with me and with my brothers and with my mom. So I don't think it's just a memory for me, like I think it's more energy and maybe that's what spirit is.
Speaker 3:And I mean I feel like you having that feeling kind of keeps me yeah, and it proves that yes, this, you guys still with you. Yeah, because if you didn't feel it, then if you didn't have that then I wouldn't. Exactly that thought process, like, oh, I'm gonna be sharing this with my dad as well, then, yeah, totally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what do you think?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I would like to believe that they are with us in one way or another. But I agree with you. I feel like it's impossible not to think about them, like you're basically lying to yourself if you think that you can. Yeah, and you're kind of going back. So yeah, I have a picture of my grandma that's right above my desk in my room. So I wake up in the morning and I spy on her like good morning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I always. I have a picture of my dad in the in my car. What is that? Visor?
Speaker 3:The visor yeah my car.
Speaker 1:So every morning when I go to work I tell him good morning, yeah.
Speaker 3:I have a picture of my great grandma. Yeah, I didn't get to well I met her, but I was a baby when she passed. But I have a picture of her and I together and I do the same.
Speaker 1:I feel like I love the other Los Muertos Day of the Dead because I feel like I connect with it, like not only just because my dad passed away, but before. It was like my grandma, and like people that I never got to meet, like I always hope that it was true that they do come visit you that day, but you can hang out with them and even if they're like in the movie Coco, you know, like whatever you may imagine, like I like to think that they're there. So I think for me it's really special and I always try to put up an altar just to like, maybe, if it's true, that they do show up.
Speaker 3:Yeah yeah, I've started doing that as well. Um, because, either way, that little moment of delusion yeah, exactly that little moment of delusion brings comfort brings, brings peace you know, it may or may not be true, it doesn't matter to the overall, it matters to you only. But that little moment it's gonna provide comfort and I, I don't know, I think it's nice.
Speaker 2:Yes, I've never celebrated Day of the Dead and I don't know if I would, but I mean I respect it and. I understand why people do it. I just think I've never grew up doing it, so it's not.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I didn't grow up doing it either it wasn't until later on in life. Yeah, I knew about it, yeah me too.
Speaker 1:I started doing it after my grandma passed away and we mainly did it for my dad and we made sure that we had a picture of her and flowers, and then I asked him what her favorite food was and for Day of the Dead, like we would put a coke, because she loved to drink coke and she loved coffee, so it always put coffee.
Speaker 1:And so for my dad, how my mom always makes his favorite food and my dad used to love marshmallows like really loved marshmallows he could have a whole bag of marshmallows in one sitting, so I always buy him marshmallows and like little orange gummies.
Speaker 3:So yeah, I have to learn how to make pipian it's like it's like a. It's like a mole, but it's like a, like a red mole, and as I have not made it with chicken, but that was my great grandma's favorite food, so I have to learn to make it from my altar, but but yeah, same sentiment. You know, I don't know it's taking care of that illusion.
Speaker 1:Maybe try it this year yeah, I might do it. Yeah, I could just be one little picture with flowers yeah and whatever. You know that she liked. Yeah, drink, yeah, I might do that. You people better put tequila in my altar, because I'm gonna be coming back for it every year girl, that's actually a good question.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about that. What? What would you want in your altar?
Speaker 1:okay um tequila.
Speaker 3:Tequila for sure for sure um tequila and bread, because I couldn't have bread and like that's really good, so at least you can have it in the afterlife.
Speaker 2:I think I would want beer and pizza yes, um let's do it same candy.
Speaker 3:I like, uh like gummy candy and a martini a dirt a gin dirty martini. Please three olives on the pick.
Speaker 1:Thanks, gerald wants chocolate and chocolate. Any juice, okay. What kind of juice? Any sweet juice. Mango juice is his favorite okay, that's pretty delicious.
Speaker 3:All right, I like it. Oh my gosh, for a quick moment, can I talk about? Can we talk about the dealing, dealing with the grieving process? Yeah, um, do you want to share your experience? I do have a resource here with me if you want me to share first yeah, um, let me tell you, let's see, grieving was difficult.
Speaker 1:Um, after I've realized that I wasn't okay, because I think I went through the process of being sad, not accepting it, being angry I was really angry.
Speaker 1:Um, then I realized, oh hey, the singer is taking me into a really dark place and I probably shouldn't stay here for too long and then you hit your depression, yeah, and I was in a really, really dark place and I many times thought about taking my own life because I just was so lost in that grief and I didn't know how to pull myself out of it. Because I'm the feeling kind of person. I can't be the person that says, oh, this is not happy, like this happened, and I'm moving away from it, I don't want to deal with it, I don't know how to do that. I have to deal with things. So my way of dealing with it was crying and eating, crying and eating and I gained a lot of weight and a lot of anxiety and a lot of depression.
Speaker 1:So I found a therapist and she helped me understand the different stages of grief. She helped me understand that me being angry at my dad was normal, that being angry at myself was normal, that feeling, that guilt I was feeling, because there's so much guilt that comes with grief as well, and people don't tell you that, like there's all this whoa, I should have been there more, I should have done this more, I should have spent more time, I should have like, you know, it's too late. Then it's too late and life happens and there's nothing you can change. Now you move on and try to be better. That's what I learned. But I really had to go to therapy. I had to put myself on anxiety medication that helped a lot and I had to give myself grace.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think that was it, like I was being really hard on myself, I was being really angry, so I had to really really give myself grace.
Speaker 3:I mean, it sounds understandable that you'd be angry, but I didn't think about the guilty part.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I felt guilty about not calling him that day. I was really because I would call him every morning and I thought if I would have called him at 6 AM he would have not been in a car accident and he would have still been alive. And I blame myself for it for a really long time that's awful.
Speaker 3:But yeah, just kind of piggybacking into that, do you think your therapist kind of allowed you to acknowledge her pain?
Speaker 1:100%. Yeah, she's awesome, but yeah, she helped me acknowledge the pain. She also helped me see where it was coming from, like understand why I feel like there's just so much confusion in your body and your soul when you lose somebody so close. Now you don't even know where it's coming from. Like I feel like it comes from everywhere, like you're not prepared for it. I don't know if you had the same experience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like maybe I haven't dealt with it completely, like maybe I should you, and I are right, Fakeryl.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a similar process, but I started with anger and I think I stayed there for a long time and then, because I was in a really bad place, that led me into a really bad relationship and depression, but also that's when I started taking unto the presence. But yeah, I think, now that I think about it, maybe it's something that I still have to work on. I'm not fully there yet. It's hard to talk, Like even for my sisters and I when we talk about it. It's hard to talk about it without crying. Yeah, it's. Yeah, I should work on it.
Speaker 1:Self-awareness Keep coming back I know Crazy.
Speaker 3:No, I completely understand that. There's me looking at this resource right now and hearing you talk about it and I'm like I still may have someone resolved issues.
Speaker 1:Just like a little bit. This is a tonsure though.
Speaker 3:But here I want to share kind of this short list of how to possibly deal with the grieving process. I like it, and the first one is acknowledge your pain. Very important, you know just recognize that you're going through something. Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions Anger, guilt, that was. It's different. It's different from what you feel. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you, and I think this one's super important, because a lot of people think they're putting themselves in the other person's shoes.
Speaker 1:But mm-hmm, Let people grieve. However they're going to grieve.
Speaker 3:Yes, this one, and this is what you actually do. So good for you. Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yes, yes, super important.
Speaker 3:Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically. Yes, you know, now that I'm reading this, I'm like oh. Let's do that a little bit and finally, kind of one of the last steps that it provides here, recognize the difference between grief and depression.
Speaker 1:Oh, that one's OK. That's tough, yeah, I feel like mine led to depression.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was stuck there for a long time afterwards. I mean still working through it.
Speaker 3:It's a comfortable place to be. Once you're there, it's uncomfortable, uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:It's safe? Yeah, it's safe.
Speaker 3:You know what to expect Exactly, and it's unfortunate.
Speaker 1:Right, wow, we're just like stage, so quiet.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because is it time, oh my gosh it's time.
Speaker 1:Time to add the pockets. Yes, I think we're done.
Speaker 2:We're done with this topic.
Speaker 3:Thank you for listening. This has been a tough conversation. Yeah, I understand that.
Speaker 1:But, she's like this has been a tough conversation, I understand, but it's mad time.
Speaker 2:You guys should see her smile right now.
Speaker 1:I think it's time for some of that Diana's daily show.
Speaker 3:We're going to keep it light. That makes no sense. It's so light. And today we're going to be talking about men.
Speaker 1:Why, men why.
Speaker 3:Part two. I love this. No, and I mean this kind of sort of goes hand in hand with the conversation that we're having. But men not sharing emotions, not complaining To one extent I think it's OK to complain, just kind of get it out of your system, sort of thing, it's OK.
Speaker 1:Men, if you are listening to this podcast, it's OK to feel and it's OK to talk about feelings.
Speaker 3:I love how you just made it simple. It's OK to feel yeah, just keep it at that.
Speaker 1:That's it, feeling's.
Speaker 3:OK, yeah, feelings are OK.
Speaker 1:Feelings are fine, they're normal, feeling's good.
Speaker 3:Not sharing bad. Oh sorry, I shouldn't be like that, no, but I think it's very unfortunate that society has held men to a standard that they shouldn't, and they can't express themselves or be emotional or complain because just the simple fact of being a man I am raging with this topic. Let it out, ok, so.
Speaker 1:I have four brothers. My brothers are pretty awesome and they share. They share some stuff. But, going back to grief, I feel like they just never really wanted to talk up. They still to this. They don't want to talk about it. They deal with it, of course, in their own way, and I feel like there are so many times where I just want to be like guys I miss my dad, let's hug and cry about it and they're like bro. I don't want to talk or cry about this, but I feel like it's healing to cry about it and I'm hoping that they cry on their own and I'm hoping that they have a safe space within their spouses to share that. But I know that there are men out there that don't even feel like they have that safe space within the relationship they're in within their own family, and I have read that men don't have the moral support that women have. Like they don't. We as women can tell each other oh my gosh, this asshole broke my heart and I feel a certain way, but men don't do that.
Speaker 3:They need to, they need to, and it's unfortunate because, depending on the man, they're going to say oh my gosh, you're such a pussy.
Speaker 1:Get over it and that's OK, because you know what Pussies are so tough, if you ever hear that if someone else tells you that, let them know.
Speaker 3:Pussies are fucking tough, yes, no, but it's very unfortunate and to your point. I do hope that at least your brothers or anyone else you have some sort of safe space. I find a safe space.
Speaker 1:Let's give men a safe space.
Speaker 2:Thinking about what you were talking about before, how you developed celiacs Exactly, and you cried a lot, I cry all the time they're not crying. I can't imagine how much their physiological selves are being impacted by that, and it's just like let's talk about the rate of suicide in men.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about the addiction, the alcoholism Like and still after all of these, the things yes and they're not. Oh, I'm so angry. Love this society is teaching our men to just be manly man and be tough.
Speaker 2:Yes To. That's the thing. We're not really defining it correctly. It is tough to be able to express your emotions Exactly.
Speaker 1:It takes some major courage to go up to another human being and say I need help. I'm struggling and I really need support. Like that takes some guts and I know guys have them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so because they do it for everything else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's use them and let's be emotionally supportive of each other, especially men especially men.
Speaker 2:This one is like Sanyas Delishit, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:No, didn't you hear me say Sanyas Delishit earlier? Yeah, sanyas Delishit, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1:I think this is a topic I'm super passionate about, because I feel like there are so many good men out there. Like they're terrible men out there.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:But there are so many good men that are falling through the cracks, that are not getting the support they need, that are not being listened to, that are feeling lonely and committing suicide because they don't have. They don't see another option, exactly, and they shouldn't be happening, like we should be supporting our men and helping them out and bringing them up, and like just take care of our human race Exactly and as a whole.
Speaker 3:Not men, women, men or women or in between, but just like as a whole.
Speaker 1:But don't you think? I think, that if men were able to share more and like have that knowledge of feelings, then they would be able to support women better in all those important decisions and like be allies for us.
Speaker 3:They'd be more. I think they'd be more understanding. Yeah, and honestly, sometimes a lot of times, that's all we need, there wouldn't be this patriarchy, this toxic patriarchy.
Speaker 2:I was listening to another podcast and they were talking about how it was a guy and he was saying how. Sometimes because this is how we're, how we were raised as a culture women don't like men who are.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Emotional, because then they feel like they're not men enough for them. So that's a problem too. Like we have as women and we have to understand that it's a normal thing to have emotions and feelings and everyone can express them.
Speaker 3:Yes, you know the moment that I had a joint conversation with one of my brothers and he opened up and it changed our sibling relationship. Yeah, and even though we were drunk, it's fine. Whatever, we were still able to share what we were feeling at that moment and from there on it changed.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And now he's more comfortable with sharing things with me, and I'm so glad that he opened up even just a tendency bit.
Speaker 1:He has an outlet now.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Somebody that he can. Maybe he's not going to tell you everything, but he's going to share a little bit.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's going to take some of that pressure out.
Speaker 3:And I hope that I can continue doing that for him, because life is tough Hell. Yeah, we go through a lot of things, man, women and everyone else Like let's just share it a little bit. I hope this helps. I hope so too, men. If the first person you go to is not supportive, go to the next one.
Speaker 1:Yes, Send us a DM.
Speaker 2:Well, it's supportive, we'll be. We'll turn. It will be as supportive as we can. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we have resources, we'll send them your way. Hell yeah, you're not alone. We love you, most of you If you're nice and you haven't broken anybody's broken anybody's heart.
Speaker 3:No, I well never mind. Anyway, start All right.
Speaker 1:Let's go back to our discussion. Close it up a little bit Any final thoughts.
Speaker 3:Don't. Let's see, let's see. Don't listen Whenever people tell you oh my gosh, get over it or do it this other way, don't. Don't listen to them. That's they're not helping you at all, they're just getting worse. So just try to ignore that. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Or don't say that to anyone.
Speaker 3:And first of all, don't, don't put like a time frame to anyone, to anyone's grief.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah just, I guess, be respectful of you know how they're grieving, consider it, consider it and supportive, and supportive Love that.
Speaker 1:The end Done. We solved it. Look at us. The three of us could solve the world, world problems.
Speaker 3:I mean, give me the right resources and I'll do it yeah.
Speaker 1:As lonely as grief can feel because it can feel really, really lonely yeah, you are not alone. There's always somebody willing to help. There's always somebody there to listen. Yeah, and whatever it is that you're grieving, whether it's a relationship, a loved one, a pet, whatever it is that you're grieving it's okay to cry about it, it's okay to be sad about it, but it's also okay to be happy after you've lost someone. Yeah, that's important to remember. There is life after, after you lose somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sure it can be like a source of guilt yeah.
Speaker 1:Feel like you don't deserve to live after somebody's lost their lives, but you do, and they would want that for you, definitely do.
Speaker 3:I'm just going to share the suicide and crisis lifeline. It's just 988 and you can text that as well.
Speaker 1:Text and called there you go, right.
Speaker 3:Connect with people you trust.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye.
Speaker 2:Bye Thank you for listening to Latina State of Mind produced by us, your awesome hosts, diana, senia and Nancy. Special shout out to Jerome, our editor. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at LSOM underscore podcast and on Facebook at Latina State of Mind. Hasta la próxima.